From Baker Street

The first time was in a bus. It was really crowded, full of passengers who kept bumping my shoulder every time I tried to take a nap. When the seat next to mine was vacated    , someone sat beside me, a man in his thirties.

 

The next thing I knew, his elbow was on my thigh, trying to touch me in a way I didn’t want him to. I immediately shuddered. Then he asked for my phone number. I told him to get lost. He left several minutes later.

 

The second time was also in a bus; only the scene was quite different. It was quiet, full of tired souls, including myself. When I woke up, the bus was almost vacant, and I hadn’t reached my destination yet.

 

A group of friends came in. They sat at the back, where I was, alone and sleepy. One of them, a girl, sat right next to me. Kept asking me what my name was. I told her a random name. Then she leaned her head on my shoulder. I didn’t even know who she was yet I knew that wasn’t something you did to a stranger.

 

Suddenly, a guy from behind touched my shoulder. Told me to stay for a little while and entertain them. I immediately stood up to sit at the front. As I walked away, I heard them taunting me and calling me names. Again, I had to be the bigger person.

​

The third time was in a van. It was really packed and stuffy, and so I tried to sleep it off. The passenger beside me, a guy who looked like he was five or six years older, kept looking at me for some reason. Maybe he wanted me to adjust my position a bit, so I did. Then I slept.

The next thing I knew, his hand was on my thigh, stroking it slowly. I moved immediately to let him know I was aware of what he was doing. And I didn’t want it. I was in fear for the rest of the ride.

 

Yes, I’m a guy. And yes, I’m a victim.

 

All three times, I so badly wanted to stand up for myself. All three times, I was too scared to speak out.

 

Why? Because I was afraid of being humiliated, of being judged. See, we live in a society where machismo is reinforced in every way possible. We have male peers who would manifest their “manliness” by talking about the hottest girls in their class and how to get them. We have schools who teach students that men should be strong and self-reliant. We have parents who tell their sons that men do not cry because it is a sign of weakness.

 

So when a man says he was sexually harassed or abused, everybody goes:

“Why didn’t you protect yourself?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“You should’ve just enjoyed it!”

 

I always try to protect myself. Everybody does. But finding fault by saying that he should have been “more of a man” is the kind of thinking that discourages men to come forward and tell their stories.

 

What a man should be is a product of all the patriarchal values and beliefs in our system. And it isn’t right.

​

There also seems to be a socially accepted assumption that men don’t experience sexual harassment, that men enjoy inappropriate sexual advances. Society continuously sees men as creatures constantly wanting sex. So when a man rejects being groped or being kissed without his consent, people look at him and question his masculinity. There seems to be a pervasive double standard.

Men, like women, can be victims too.

 

Over the years, the images of sexual harassment change. It includes a female journalist who was catcalled by a brazenly misogynistic president. It also includes a guy walking on the street and being asked for sex by a random stranger. It includes a young female protester who was told she should be “gang-banged” so she doesn’t get to fight anymore.  

 

The point here is that it can happen to everyone. It chooses anyone regardless of age or gender or social class. People should always remember that something like this happens because people like these exist.

 

Addressing sexual harassment should be a systemic approach. The government should enforce related laws strictly, schools should start battling sexist notions in our society, and families should start telling their children that everyone, regardless of who they are, can be hurt.

 

No matter who it is, one thing stays the same: sexual harassment is sexual harassment. And it is not okay. No one has the right to touch you in ways that you don’t want to.